You Can't Make This Up Archives - Page 19 of 34

School Math Lesson: Boy 6 Touches Girl 7 in Class + School Suspends Him 3 Days + Accuses Him of Sexual Harrassment = City Writes Checks for $290,000

In 2006 a first grade boy touched the inside of the pants of a first grade girl sitting in front of him in his Brockton School District elementary school in Massachusetts. The girl told the teacher who told the principal (mistake number1). The principal told the police (mistake number 2), the Department of Social Services (mistake number 3), and the District Attorney’s office (mistake number 4). Maybe the do-gooders and defenders of the honor of first grade girls were upset when they were told that the State of Massachusetts does not charge juveniles under age 7 with crimes. Lucky for the little dude he wasn’t 7 or the Massachusetts anti-sexual harassment police might have gotten a conviction and tagged the kid for life as a sex offender.

Being smarter than your average Massachusetts Brockton School District elementary school principal you probably guessed what happened after mistakes 1 – 4. Yep. Parents sued everybody involved. The city settled for $240,000 ($160,000 for the boy, $20,000 for his parents, $60,000 for their attorneys fees). The city also paid $50,000 to defend the lawsuit. There are probably a lot of lessons to be learned by the teacher, the principal, the school district, the police and the district attorney, but will they learn. Based on this case, maybe they should change the name of that TV show to “Are you smarter than a first grader?”

How is it possible that the school personnel involved in this story can be hired and retain their jobs? Can educators really be that stupid? Maybe the educators reacted out of fear they could be sued if they did nothing. Is this an example of the terrible burden placed on our society by out of control lawsuits and litigation? See for example a two part interview (part 1 and part 2) in the Wall St. Journal with Philip Howard, an attorney who has written two books on this topic. Mr. Howard’s first book, “The Death of Common Sense: How Law is Suffocating America,” discussed the need for legal reform arising from problems resulting from regulatory and bureaucratic inflexibility. His second book is “The Collapse of the Common Good: How America’s Lawsuit Culture Undermines Our Freedom.” This book is about how the threat of litigation restricts individual choice.

For more see “Sexual harassment settlement for Brockton boy costs city $180K.”

Elites Want Congress to Regulate Snow to Reduce Problems & Removal Costs Imposed on Cities Involuntarily

A timely commentary in the Philadelphia Inquirer on February 10, 2010, raises a point that is probably going through the minds of many people who have suffered in the blizzards this winter in the United States. Instead of empowering the federal food police to prevent kids from eating candy bars in school, why not pass a law that regulates the amount of snow that can be dumped on cities? Yes, it would require bipartisan support to over come the Republicans’ filibuster. Yes, there would be litigation to determine if the law is constitutional. Nevertheless, it’s another problem that government cannot solve, but simply passing the law would give the congressmen and senators some good PR at a time when they really need it. The author suggests a penny tax on snow shovels, but recognizes the tax could lead some congressmen and senators to seek snow-shovel tax exemptions in their states and start a new round Cornhusker kickbacks and Louisiana purchases.

11 Year Old Scratches Classmate is Charged with a Felony

From the keeping America safe department. The Associated Press reports that an 11 year old boy got mad at a fellow student and used a pencil to inflict a scratch on the other student. Police charged the perpetrator with attempted assault, a felony, and possession of a weapon, a misdemeanor. Will the police charge the teacher and administrators of the school with conspiracy or other appropriate criminal charges if it turns out that they supplied the child with the weapon? Will the teacher and the school ban pencils on school grounds since they now know that pencils are weapons the possession of which can result in the conviction of a misdemeanor? Should all schools in the United States adopt a zero tolerance pencil ban in the name of protecting the children?

South Carolina Requires Subversives to Register with State or Face a $25,000 Fine & 10 Years in Prison

Thanks to the State of South Carolina U.S. citizens can sleep better at night knowing that the State’s new subversive registration law is in effect. Subversive organizations must register with the South Carolina Secretary of State or be subject to a fine of up to $25,000 or imprisonment up to ten years, or both. The fee to file the Subversive Agent form is $5 so all subversives can easily afford to pay to file the form.

Subversive organization” means every corporation, society, association, camp, group, bund, political party, assembly, body or organization, composed of two or more persons, which directly or indirectly advocates, advises, teaches or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, of this State or of any political subdivision thereof by force or violence or other unlawful means.

I wonder how much time the state legislature wasted on this law?

Update: Eugene Volokh says he thinks the law has been on the books since 1951, but he is not sure.

Here’s the text of the new law.

Title 23 – Law Enforcement and Public Safety. CHAPTER 29. SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITIES REGISTRATION ACT

SECTION 23-29-10. Short title. This chapter may be cited as the “Subversive Activities Registration Act.”

SECTION 23-29-20. Definitions. For the purposes of this chapter the following words, phrases and terms are defined as follows:

(1) “Subversive organization” means every corporation, society, association, camp, group, bund, political party, assembly, body or organization, composed of two or more persons, which directly or indirectly advocates, advises, teaches or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, of this State or of any political subdivision thereof by force or violence or other unlawful means;

(2) “Organization subject to foreign control” means every corporation, society, association, camp, group, bund, political party, assembly, body or other organization, composed of two or more persons, which comes within either of the following:

(a) it solicits or accepts financial contributions, loans or support of any kind directly or indirectly from, or is affiliated directly or indirectly with, a foreign government or a political subdivision thereof, an agent, agency or instrumentality of a foreign government or political subdivision thereof, a political party in a foreign country or an international political organization or

(b) its policies, or any of them, are determined by or at the suggestion of, or in collaboration with, a foreign government or political subdivision thereof, an agent, agency or instrumentality of a foreign government or a political subdivision thereof, a political party in a foreign country or an international political organization;

(3) “Foreign agent” means any person whose actions, or any of them, are determined by or at the suggestion of, or in collaboration with, a foreign government or political subdivision thereof, an instrumentality or agency of a foreign government or political subdivision thereof, a political party in a foreign country or an international political organization; and

(4) “Business” includes, but is not limited to, speaking engagements.

SECTION 23-29-30. Effect on freedom of press or speech. Nothing in this chapter shall be construed to authorize, require or establish censorship or to limit in any way or infringe upon freedom of the press or of speech as guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States and no regulation shall be promulgated hereunder having that effect.

SECTION 23-29-40. Organizations exempt from application of chapter. The terms of this chapter do not apply to any labor union or religious, fraternal or patriotic organization, society or association, or their members, whose objectives and aims do not contemplate the overthrow of the government of the United States, of this State or of any political subdivision thereof by force or violence or other unlawful means.

SECTION 23-29-50. Registration by subversive and foreign-controlled organizations. Every subversive organization and organization subject to foreign control shall register with the Secretary of State on forms prescribed by him within thirty days after coming into existence in this State.

SECTION 23-29-60. Registration of members of subversive and foreign-controlled organizations. Every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, of this State or of any political subdivision thereof by force or violence or other unlawful means, who resides, transacts any business or attempts to influence political action in this State, shall register with the Secretary of State on the forms and at the times prescribed by him.

SECTION 23-29-70. Forms and schedule for filing information. Every organization or person coming within the provisions of this chapter shall file with the Secretary of State all information which he may request, on the forms and at the times he may prescribe.

SECTION 23-29-80. Promulgation of rules and regulations. The Secretary of State may adopt and promulgate any rules and regulations, not inconsistent with the terms of this chapter, which may be necessary to carry out the provisions of this chapter and may alter or repeal such rules and regulations.

SECTION 23-29-90. Penalties. Any organization or person who violates any of the provisions of this chapter shall, upon conviction thereof, be punished by a fine of not more than twenty-five thousand dollars or imprisonment for not more than ten years, or by both fine and imprisonment.

U.S. Patent & Trademark Office Cannot Accept Up-side Down Faxes – No Joke

More from the we are doomed department. The other day the Department of Justice placed an ad seeking 10 trial lawyers who are mentally retarded. See “U.S. Department of Justice Seeks to Hire Mentally Retarded Trial Lawyers for Voting Division.” Maybe the DOJ could loan one of its newly hired retarded trial lawyers to the United States Patent & Trademark Office to teach USPTO personnel how to turn an upside down piece of paper right side up. The article below explains that the USPTO actually rejects faxes that are received upside down.

Question: Once the fax is removed from the fax machine, how does the USPTO person know that the fax was upside down when received? Answer: The USPTO holds the document in front of his or her face and if the top is on the bottom then the fax must have come in upside down and must be rejected!

Possible Solution: Turn the fax machine upside down as it is receiving the upside down fax then the fax will be received right side up. I understand this solution was proposed by a USPTO clerk who unlike 99% of the staff had once worked in the private sector in a for profit business. She had a vague memory of how the “little people outside government” dealt with upside down faxes. Management rejected this solution because federal regulations required that they ask for a request for proposals after first funding a study by an outside consulting firm hired to investigate various environmentally safe solutions to the problem. USPTO management realized that as a result of President Obama’s massive budget freeze, the USPTO did not have the funds to pay for the study, much less pay for all the new double-sided-automatic-page-reversing green (the fax paper is recycled from used tiolet paper) state-of-the-art ethanol-powered fax machines made in China ($126,000/unit when purchased in bulk and the government always purchases these hummers in bulk to get the savings for the taxpayers) and the office space necessary to house the new machines.

bnet.com: “I know, the headline seems like a joke. After all, what do you do if someone inadvertently fed a page upside down into the fax machine? You simply turn the page over or, if you get an electronic version, use the reader software to rotate it. Apparently this is not within the standard operating procedures of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. No, if your fax comes in upside down, they send you a message in return saying that they can’t accept it and to re-fax. Here’s a copy of the letter that a source, who regularly deals with the USPTO, passed along to me:”

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